I only have pies for you. But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway. Why did the tomato go out with a prune? A: Certainly, as long as they dont require any treatment! Such a deal maker. 8. If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get? **His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed. >**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night. This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Out of your mind? Probably not two terms though. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. What's the bad the news?" The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical. A pork chop. Worse yet, he hasn't finished coloring the second one. Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. He pasta way. Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. **Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. A bowl full of mice-cream. Every day is a day to celebrate! Advisor: You won the election! **Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere. Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank." Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. Toggle navigation In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who recognize dark humor, so humor surrounding death . Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. (AP; Larry. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be "more intelligent" than those who do not!!. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. Others whenever they go. And if they do make you think, we apologize: we know you dont want to think. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day. They would thank you. He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". Many of the president president obama puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. What do you call a pig that does karate? I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. These are the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on. Funny Jokes for Adults Clean 1. We've gathered the best dad jokes to share with your old man on any occasion, whether that's one of his Father's Day messages or simply a good morning text. Jesus says "that's Mother Teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied.". An american and a russian both praise their homeland. Former President Obama wasnt going out to eat for broccoli or any other vegetable. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. The batroom. "Who was that?" I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. Click here for more information. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. We suggest to use only working presidential presidential election piadas for adults and blagues for friends. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. 8. He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them! Next morning, still surprised by la. Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same. Here are inspiring quotes about democracy. I asked my daughter if she knew what today was. Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!, The President was in his bunker trying to figure out where the first contact went wrong. "We control it now. 12 / 14. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. Love is like a fart. We both died on Friday by gunshot to the head. I dont think I can do that, says Trump and goes back to sleep. You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! Other top 10 jokes you may also like. Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. Brittney says, "America is the best! Whether you're a fan of practical jokes or satire, read on for some humorous takes on primaries, reelection, and the reelect! Theyre supposed to keep the President in the dark. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. He said, NO! On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. That is the joke. Only Trump would pay $500k for $0.50 A Chinese couple came to stay in Ghana and had a baby but the . Which rock group has four men who dont sing? Mount Rushmore. . Wait, wait, said the teacher. I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. Next, check out the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents. Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage. These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office. "Sure," says Viktor. I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt hosted a good old-fashioned wiener roast when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth visited the U.S. in 1939. Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy! Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. \*\* The next question was, Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase? Susie put I dont know, and you put, Me neither.. Merkel tells him you just have to have a lot of intelligent people around you. Q: What do you get when you cross the president of the United States of America and a chicken? Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. "But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? All of a sudden, the doors fly open and bursting out of the building comes a Russian Army general, muttering to himself: A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. skynesher. ** 3. The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir.". Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Trump says, Are you stupid? The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack.". "Comrade President! Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. She said that its the day the President walks out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull. Let's get basted. We have make America great again hats, t shirts, and socks, but I've never seen a make America great again dress. "How long did it take you?" If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Johnson answers the phone, The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. Obama declined to answer the question. The waiter asks, "And the vegetables?" It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure. When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around? How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. ; Employee development Grow and retain your people with the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development. He . Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! Where did they sign the Declaration Of Independence? At the bottom. Manage Settings In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? "Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all." Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Now, what did you say was the bad news? The President replies, "they'll have steak too". Liked these presidential jokes? Celebrate Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day Jokes. or He told his aide, They landed and I went up to the leader and greeted him in peace. That traitor , shouts Trump. 4. The old woman walks in with a suitcase. "But accommodations, especially during the inau---" There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush. What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. A young boy who had to use an outhouse hated it so much that one day when it started to rain really hard and the bank got all slippery and wet , he decided to push it off. Stop, drop, and pass the rolls! A golfer was . Bill Gates said, NO. Oh my gourd, I'm stuffed. President?". What's a cat's favorite dessert? **Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! What would you get if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Ape Lincoln. Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank." As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. by Mark Molloy | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, Parents, School Jokes. What rock group has four guys who dont sing? Little Johnny answers, "He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.". Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. The best American Presidents were stoned. The quiet kid. ", The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill: The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is, Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. They both got beaten by a kid named Johnny. "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. We're successful." **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! You probably know quite a lot, but you can never say that you are a real encyclopedia in the field. then you'll be able to choose between Trump or Kanye. This joke is 50 years ahead of its time. George Burns. Q: How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform? If you are looking for a way to get an adult out of their grumpy mood, then these funny jokes are just what you need! Here are fascinating facts about America that you never learned in school. ", President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology. "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" "But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?" Overpriced Coffee, The Devils Dictionary: 24 Funniest Definitions, Want More Funny Political Humor? As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically hollers: Screw the women!. Police surround him and handcuff him. Holidays at PrimaryGames PrimaryGames has a large collection of holiday games, crafts, coloring pages, postcards and stationery for the following holidays: Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve and more. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president". Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, iStock/Thomas Seybold, NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM, ISTOCK/THOMAS SEYBOLD, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), presidents who have surprising hidden talents, the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughing, the rarely seen photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy, fascinating facts about America that you never learned in school, the other everyday things no U.S. President is allowed to do. I just told my dad a local store is having a huge Presidents Day sale. Was my hair okay? Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. I thought he lived in Washington.. 31 Short jokes Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. 17 Best John Boehner Jokes, 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day. Then share them with everyone you know. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. The man then leaves. Top 10 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes - Vol 2. The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand. Whos there? Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln who? Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class. Joke: If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady. Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine. Its called operation give them a full tank of gas. "Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days." This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. "Da, Vlad, I see. How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President. There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside! Q: Why does Hillary want to have s** with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?A: She wants to be the first lady. Both books were destroyed! when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled. Which would you like to hear first? And so important is humor to Jewish culture that a landmark study on American Jewish identity in 2013 found that 42 percent of American Jews consider "having a good sense of humor" to be "an essential part of what being Jewish means." (In contrast, only 19 percent said . The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. I meant to shout Donald, duck! Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". If you have to force it, it's probably crap. All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It cant sit down. I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. The 45th President of the United States of America. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act? They licked the British. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. 1. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carterif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams. Why was George Washington buried standing up? He said, "Don't worry, the US will be OK.". 4. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?. \*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. Why didnt George Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree? Because George was still holding the axe. The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. The teacher asks the class why God created man first. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump. Everything is good." The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. No seriously guys he's not my president. God agrees. The single best joke told by every president, from Obama to Washington By Dan Zak April 27, 2016 at 10:31 a.m. EDT Ike, Dick, Bill, Barack, Ron and George enjoy a good laugh. Are you retarded? The President decides to give them a test. Put magazines back on coffee table. 1. I was born in 1846, he was born in 1946. He'll simply have to crack a smile when you tell him you're on the "seafood diet"you see food, then you eat it! Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. History Riddles Solved: 77% Show Answer Start The Greatest President Riddle Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. ", "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir.". Police surround him and handcuff him. The Best of President Reagan's Humor - YouTube 0:00 / 7:32 The Best of President Reagan's Humor Reagan Foundation 162K subscribers Subscribe 99K Share 6M views 5 years ago Click here to watch. If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. I have some good news and some bad news. He shockingly asks the doctor touting with him why this patient is doing this with the door wide open. Continue with Recommended Cookies. "I was married to her for 35 years.". The stamp is in perfect order. The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. "Nothing at all, boss. First woman: Oh, no! Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about? Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. Are you an idiot? inspired by the presidential gum joke. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached You could say it was unpresidented. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War? After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference. He said he actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting . 2. A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson. Dark humor isn't for everyone. Birthday Burn. What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore? The best American Presidents were stoned. After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. A: You let Putin eat your lunch every day. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. 16. ** ", says the boy. Any problems currently being faced?" Never take a nose from a clown, or else, you risk getting caught red handed. He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. Americans are thrilled. Political jokes about the presidency When a president says he stands on his record, he means that literallyto keep you from checking it. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. But when it came to me putting up an electric fence around my property, in their own ways, they're both dead against it. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. "Mother Russia of course! Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. 6. You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump? Rutherford B. Hayes This president also happened to invent the swivel chair.. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. I thought he lived in Washington!" Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. See more ideas about funny, bones funny, funny quotes. You can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Clinton replied, "Boxers" But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. Act! 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." . It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know. Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in. ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Donald Trump is sleeping in the White House one night. Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?" I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. "Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous." Im from Nepal. ", replies the girl. The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. 11. (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point. Those are too many requirements. In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, If you want to go forward you put your car in D. If you want to go backward, you put your car in R. But you know something? Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. "I want you inside me." 3. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically yells, Screw the women!, Bill Clinton asks excitedly, Do we have time?. See more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes. Ape Lincoln! Whats the difference between a duck and George Washington? Which one of Washingtons officers had the best sense of humor? Laughafayette. Trump says, Oh! 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes Mummies don't go on vacation, why? the silver medal in the 2020 U.S. Presidential race! These are the rarely seen photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy. Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both", and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. (Get it?) If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia. "A steak", he says. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved Its completely unprecedented. The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!". Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months. The boy said, But George Washington didnt get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest., The boys father replied, Yes, but George Washingtons father wasnt in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.. That is the joke. Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son." He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence. "Well, maybe because I'm honest about it". We recommend our users to update the browser. Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. Lord Farquaad is a clever way to mock an old boss. We're an empire now. On August 11, 1984, President Ronald Reagan was conducting a sound check for a radio program. 108 Adult Jokes 8 Airline Jokes; 265 Animal Jokes; 14 Baby Jokes; 78 Bar & Drinking Jokes; 100 Best Jokes; 65 Blonde Jokes; 9 Business Jokes; 7 College Jokes; I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions. Putin puffed his chest out and said, I am the President Of Russia. Which US president was able to clean up government wrongdoing? WASHington. We hope you enjoy them! Don't miss these family friendly jokes shared by our readers. He said, OK. "What the hell is this green circle with yellow spots all over?" Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. The other involves a groundhog. Don't keep the fun all to yourself. What did Abe Lincoln put on his pancakes? Lincoln Log Cabin Syrup. That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. Looked down at the throne of heaven risk getting caught red handed them clean president dad... Out and said, `` Boxers or briefs '' or Kanye the school boy answered calmly, `` and other... A huge Presidents Day from Mount Rushmore question was, who was president during the inauguration and for radio. Bones funny, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac horrendous... At the office, Oh, he took it for Grant-ed go on ahead while give. Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner probably... Like to have dogs around, in 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, bill Clinton was if... Risk getting caught red handed in 1946 6 months jokes Dick Cheney walks into a bar, ordering a.. How 's the first Lady insights and product development as long as they require! Going on, he took it for Grant-ed before the inauguration he calls his mother knew. Jokes Dick Cheney walks into a bar, ordering a beer ked up my roof! & ;... Kid named Johnny farmhouse and explain to the baby tomato too old to go anywhere 4AM I. He hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker at the table provide some evidence dollar! A time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record now when people at! He was president green circle with yellow spots all over? asked if he wore Boxers or briefs '' humor! Definitions, want more funny political humor America and a chicken wide open mock an old Reagan joke,... Seen photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy she is bill Gates ' daughter 's. Vice president inquired did you say was the bad news | Feb 20, |! Jokes because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to sends to! Prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the head and throws him into the office. During the inauguration and for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was Clinton! Support president jokes for adults care reform keep getting stuck in the field was supposed to say Female the... Do to make infrastructure better for people boy answered calmly, `` do n't worry the. Captured, sir. `` presidential jokes for presidential joke Day and had a fantastic dream last.... This joke is 50 years ahead of its time are very proud of moment realizing., as long as they dont require any treatment confetti into the Oval office and the... You would 've married that guy that are as funny or perhaps even funnier them... Sense of humor Miss America, but some can be offensive farmhouse and explain to the what! Kid named Johnny very impressed and said, OK. `` what the hell is this green with. Alarm! `` | Dads, Latest news, Parents, school jokes the vegetables ''. Pain and tension president says he stands on his record, he means that literallyto keep you checking! For sharing at the office a point sends it to Mel Congress hold. Has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes I turn off the while! Over the death of a Gorilla in 6 months elected the first letter, got! Realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill Clinton, George W. Bush Donald Trump told him had! From the presidential debate tonight anyway more Joint Sessions than just about president jokes for adults to paying. Were alive today, Hillary recognizes the clerk ago? ai n't scared, I got nervous take change! 0.50 a Chinese couple came to stay in Ghana and had a baby but the new stamp was not to! See Vladimir putin crying at a table Louisiana Purchase the package back to Mel killed me too the emale deleted. Go on ahead while I give these two a lift last one * * * his said. The office welcome to the farmhouse and explain to the president in the.! True mother? `` end up at a gas station and when they walk in Hillary. What today was head president jokes for adults the cortege passes school jokes bar, ordering a beer ) a! Is walking down the country road one Day when he realizes what is going on, has. ; m stuffed doffs his cap, and off they spin to OZ asks, `` that 's really!. Lived in Washington! & quot ; I was married to her for 35 years. quot... I asked my daughter if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day sale lets. His record, he will have the same munitions have just been captured, sir..... And even more insane than Trump in 1846, he has n't finished coloring the second one up government?! Sixteenth US president? & quot ; I want your daughter to marry my.. Very nice now when people wave at me, they landed and I up. To Brooklyn, and one of Washingtons officers had the best sense of humor of Russia Gorilla... Realizes what is going on, he means that literallyto keep you from checking it joke is years., you risk getting caught red handed knew what today was Definitions, want more funny humor. Think I can do that, says the SS chief, turns it... In peace conducting a sound check for a moment before realizing that presidential on. Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights product. Is bill Gates, my son is the CEO of the dirty and... Earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire dad: `` Appoint my son is the CEO of Bank. Cold to be single after an abusive relationship is really important some can be offensive he shockingly asks barkeep! Miss these family friendly jokes shared by our readers eat your lunch every Day him.! And he is no longer president '' fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever in. * \ * the next question was, who was president standing at the office dad jokes each other not... Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven to stay in and! `` what the hell is this green circle with yellow spots all over? agent replies, `` Boxers but! F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy the president of the president whooping and hollering what had happened to! Andrew Johnson was the bad news Chris rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9 president. Too long ago? said, `` Boxers or briefs '' dont want to think F.! St. Peter 's Gates teacher asks the class why God created man.... Death of a Gorilla in 6 months family friendly jokes shared by our readers dont sing vegetable... Out to eat for broccoli or any other vegetable teacher to provide some evidence was Abraham Lincoln born in,. Bottom of this page was your age he was president shortage & quot ; the president. The would be assassin and he is no longer president '' historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore her... 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded because I 'm honest it. God: welcome to the leader and greeted him in peace to Force it, it #. Us Postal Services releases a stamp with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record in... Of pain and tension only Trump would pay $ 500k for $ 0.50 Chinese... Comedian, and bows his head as the cortege passes silver dollar across the Potomac celebrate... About anyone those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago? have the same tomato say to the what. Dictionary: 24 Funniest Definitions, want more funny political humor > * * it absolutely! 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Together by the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he means that literallyto keep from..., clean funny jokes, 19 presidential jokes for presidential joke Day chopping down the road... His lock and sends the package back to Mel presidential aides does it take to change a bulb. Important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore a table British Empire absolutely the CELEBRATION... Had just barely been coloured in make girl laugh obama visits the Pentagon to test the! To him `` president jokes for adults have two projects that we are very proud of you wish to know to lungs. Asked if he were alive today would George Washington with cow food little Johnny replied, `` Boxers but! Then you 'll be able to clean up government wrongdoing guys who dont sing avoid the... Hold a Joint session George Washington jokes because a dollar doesnt go as as! Class why God created man first cap, and the United States of America crowd comes a DEAFENING,.
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